3.
Relationships
10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship
01
You and your partner allow the relationship to happen at a speed that feels comfortable for both of you. Often when beginning to date someone, you may feel that you’re spending alot of time with them because you want to – that is a-okay! However, be sure that nothing feels rushed within the relationship.
In a healthy relationship, nobody pressures the other to:
have sex, label the relationship or become 'exclusive', move in together, or meet family and friends. When you do choose to take these steps, you both feel content and aren't struggling with mixed emotions.
02
Believing your partner won’t do anything to hurt you or spoil the relationship.
Examples:
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your partner is comfortable when you do things without them
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there is faith that cheating will not occur
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partners respect online privacy (i.e. who you text and Snapchat)
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there are no 'tests' or extra work to 'earn' trust
03
HONESTY
Ability to be truthful and open with your partner. It’s important to be able to talk together about what you both need and want in a relationship without fearing how they’ll respond or if there will be judgment. Individuals in a relationship may not like what is being said, but will respond in a considerate way.
Examples:
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having good communication about expectations, needs, and wants
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never feeling like you have to hide from your partner who you talk to or spend time
04
INDEPENDENCE
The presence of space and freedom in relationship to be true to yourself and do things you enjoy!
Examples:
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feeling supported in having friends and life outside of the relationship
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not needing to be 'attached at the hip' or know every little detail about one another's lives
05
RESPECT
When respect is present in relationship, partners will value one another's beliefs, opinions and values. There will be an appreciation for who you are as an individual.
Examples:
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complimenting you
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supporting hard work and dreams
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respecting boundaries
06
EQUALITY
There is equal effort within the relationship. There is not a feeling of one person having more say than the other.
Examples:
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feeling heard in the relationship
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feeling comfortable to speak up
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making decisions together
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equally compromising on decisions within the relationship that make both parties feel important or respected
07
COMPASSION
Feeling a sense of care and concern from your partner and knowing that they will be there to support you, too.
Examples:
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being kind to one another
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being understanding and be supportive of one another in difficult times
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lending a helping hand in times of need
08
TAKING RESPONSIBILITY
Both partners being responsible for their own actions and words. Avoid placing blame on each other. Owning up to personal actions when something has been done wrong.
Examples:
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partners genuinely apologize for mistakes
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avoid taking things out on one another when upset
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make an effort to implement positive changes to better the relationship
COMFORTABLE PACE
TRUST
09
There is a sense of reliability and confidence that each partner will have the other's 'back'. In a healthy relationship, there are no 'tests' of one partner's loyalties, you know it’s there. In some relationships, partner's will say “we all make mistakes” and “nobody’s perfect” to justify disloyalty. If you find yourself saying that more than once, it’s a red flag that the relationship could be unhealthy.
Examples of Loyalty:
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when your partner is respectful and faithful
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sticks up for you
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doesn’t take sides against you but helps you see the middle ground
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keeps your secrets safe
COMMUNICATION
If you can talk to your partner about anything—the good and the bad—this is a sign of a healthy relationship.
Examples:
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feel as though your partner will listen to you when you need to talk
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have a sense your partner is open to discussing topics further you don’t feel judged for your thoughts, emotions, or opinions
LOYALTY
10
10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
01
intensity
Extreme feelings or behavior that feels overwhelming.
Examples:
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rushing the pace of a relationship
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always wanting to see and talk to you
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feeling like someone is obsessed with you
02
jealousy
Jealousy is a common emotion that most people experience. However, jealousy becomes unhealthy when someone lashes out or tries to control you as a result.
Examples:
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getting upset when you text or spend time with people your partner may feel threatened by
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making accusations of you flirting, cheating, etc.
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being possessive over you
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stalking
03
manipulation
This is when a partner tries to influence your decisions, behaviors or emotions. Manipulation is sometimes difficult to spot.
Examples:
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convincing you to do things you wouldn’t normally feel comfortable with
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ignoring you until they get their way
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using gifts and apologies to influence your decisions or get back in your good graces
04
isolation
Creating distance between you and friends, family, or other people.
Examples:
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your partner makes you choose between them and people you are close with
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insisting you spend all your time with them
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making you question your own judgement of loved ones
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making you feel dependent on them for money, love belonging, etc.
05
sabotage
Purposely ruining your reputation, achievements or success.
Examples:
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making you miss school, practice, work, or other obligations
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making it difficult for you to get course work done
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talking about you behind your back or creating rumors
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threatening to share private information
06
belittling
Making you feel bad about yourself.
Examples:
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calling you names
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making rude remarks about who you spend time with, loved ones or your appearance
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making fun of you (sometimes they may even play this off as a joke)
07
guilting
Often influencing you to feel guilty or responsible for your partner’s behavior, decisions, or actions.
Examples:
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influencing you to feel responsible for their happiness
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influencing you to feel like everything is your fault
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threatening to harm themselves or others if you don’t do what they say
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threatening to harm themselves or others if you don’t stay in the relationship
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pressuring you to engage in any sexual act you’re not comfortable with
08
volatility
Unpredictable overreactions that create a feeling of uneasiness around your significant other. They behave in a way that makes you feel responsible for keeping them from lashing out.
Examples:
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exhibiting mood swings
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losing control of themselves by becoming violent or raising their voice
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threatening to hurt you or destroy things
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you have a feeling of fear when with them
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variety of drama or ups and downs in the relationship
09
deflecting responsibility
Your partner makes excuses for their behavior.
Examples:
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blaming you, other individuals or past experiences for their actions
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using alcohol or drugs as an excuse
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using mental health struggles or past events (such as previously being cheated on or divorced parents) as a reason for unhealthy behavior
10
betrayal
When your partner acts differently with you versus how they act when you’re not around.
Examples:
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lying to you
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purposely leaving you out
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not telling you things
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acting differently around others
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cheating (emotionally or physically) within your relationship
Are you Codependent?
Codependency is a type of unhealthy relationship many individuals struggle with. Codependency is complex and has many layers but in short it is when two individuals in a relationship become enmeshed and begin to lose their personal sense of identity. This can be present in any type of relationship whether it be intimate, familial, or a friendship.
To learn more click 'Read About It' below and access two different articles on this topic.
Boundaries
When we set a boundary it is for us as individuals. Boundaries are not a means of controlling the behavior of another person.
When you are setting boundaries, remind yourself of the following:
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It is okay if others get angry.
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It is okay to say no.
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I have a right to feel my own feelings.
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I have a responsibility to take care of myself
- It is my job to make me happy.
- I am enough. I am worthy. I am deserving.
Boundaries are essential to all of the different types of relationships we have in our lives. Boundaries are how we teach others how to treat us. They are our firm line of what we will and will not accept. Boundaries are a way in which we convey our limitations, guidelines, and create clarity in where we stand with others. Our work is to stand by our boundary despite any push back or other responses.
Common responses to boundaries include:
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"Who do you think you are?"
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"You've changed."
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"Oh, so you're holier than thou?"
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"You're selfish."
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"You're being ridiculous."
Love Languages
Relationships are built upon the foundation of communication. This can include relationships with an intimate partner, friend, or family member. While this may seem simple enough, everyone communicates differently. Some speak with their actions, others with their time or gifts. Learning about the five love languages could help to feel seen, heard, and understood in relationships.
Click 'Try It' below to take a free quiz and discover your love language.
If you are interested in learning more about love languages, relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman introduced this concept in his book, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.
Attachment styles play a large role in how we navigate relationship with intimate partners, family members, friendships, etc. Being able to identify your personal attachment styles and those of others in your life can help you to better understand the path between you. View the above video to learn more!